Living with Your Husband's Secret Wars

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When a woman discovers her husband is involved in sexual sin--whether it's the sin of lust, pornography, infidelity, or some other behavior--pain whips through her like a tornado. Yet in the midst of incredible hurt, she can find God's healing with help from Living with Your Husband's Secret Wars

Written by Marsha Means, who along with her husband works with couples coping with sexual sin, this book offers specific, proactive steps readers can take in their journey toward wholeness. They'll learn how to find the support they need, grieve the losses of sexual betrayal, focus on their own spiritual growth, and move toward forgiveness and moving on--whatever the outcome of their marriage.

Filled with resources and study questions to encourage readers' growth, Living with Your Husband's Secret Wars is an excellent guidebook that will give strength to women who are struggling with their mate's sexual entanglements.


"Any woman whose life has been shattered by her husband's secrets will find courage and strength in the pages of this helpful book. Consider it your instruction manual to putting the pieces of your life back together."
--Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, Seattle Pacific University; authors of Relationships

"Marsha Means's book is a 'must read' for every woman who has a husband struggling with sexual addictions. In these pages is a compassionate portrayal of these women, and she offers some 'how to's' in dealing with their husbands and their private devastations. A wonderful book!"
--Ann Kiemel Anderson

"The wife of a sex addict must also confront the secret sin of her husband's addiction. Beginning with the devastating disclosure or discovery, she must deal with her emotions, grieve her losses, and--most importantly--identify and change her own part in the addictive dance. Marsha Means's book is an excellent guide for women who seek recovery and healing. It correctly points wives toward changing themselves, rather than focusing on their husbands. With biblical principles as a foundation, this helpful resource offers information, understanding, challenges, and hope. Living with Your Husband's Secret Wars will be my standard recommendation to Christian wives who are married to sexual addicts."
--Marnie C. Ferree, M.A., marriage and family therapist, Nashville, Tennessee

"As a counselor, I found this book immensely practical in helping men and women struggle through to find resolution and hope. As a woman, I found it compassionate, deeply personal and honest. Marsha has provided hope and direction for those whose secret wars have yet to be discovered and whose battles have yet to be won."
--Jan Frank, author, counselor, speaker

The Author

  1. Marsha Means

    Marsha Means

    Marsha Means and her husband, Pat, host a radio program called Love under Fire in Seattle, Washington. They also have a ministry called "Love under Fire," which provides hope and healing for couples in crisis over workaholism, substance abuse, sexual...

    Continue reading about Marsha Means


"In any war, there are always innocent victims. And when men begin fighting their secret wars, the victims of those conflicts are often their own wives. . . . [Means's] involvement in husband Patrick's ministry among men struggling with sexual addictions and preoccupations has brought her into contact with suffering, hurting wives who find their own lives unraveling under the pressures of their husband's confessed affairs and half-hidden preoccupations with pornography. This book is a collection of their stories, and the unbridled fury these women unleash is matched only by the soul-scarring sorrow they faced because they chose to love a man. Means emphasizes the ancient truism of 'strength in numbers,' encouraging women to band together in a sisterhood of support. She offers much sound advice and many strategies for surviving what one woman labeled 'crazy time.' . . . Worthwhile reading for any person on the edge of the dark side of marriage. . . . An invaluable resource and survival guide--especially for couples who find themselves already toppling over that edge."--Profile (December 1999/January 2000)